I’ve been marinating on the enneagram a lot over the last couple of years. I’ve always been completely obsessed with personality tests. It’s literally the reason I read magazines targeted at teen girls when I was young. (Side note: Consequently, I became totally obsessed with reading about kissing, making out, and all the other things in teen girl magazines.) I loved the silly personality tests the most. Like, I’m a summer, apparently. And I’m a grilled cheese sandwich. And what does all that mean? Wow! Fascinating.
Yes, personality tests have always been my jam.
I’ve taken the Myers-Briggs Personality Test several times. I’m typically an ENFP, but honestly test borderline introvert and have been getting closer to J instead of P lately.
And, of course, when the enneagram came into my life, I jumped right in. I saw friends posting about it on social media and went to Your Enneagram Coach to find out my type. Beth, who runs the page, is great. You’ll find so. much. info. on her Instagram. She puts everything in perspective of how we can grow in Christ as a result of being aware of our strengths and struggles.
As a side note, some talk with concern about the origins of the enneagram. Some are worried that the origins make it untrustworthy or evil. I have explored this and read about it some and I do believe the benefits, if used in conjunction with trying to grow in Christ, outweigh any concerns. I believe that, if we use it as a tool, we can benefit greatly from the information the enneagram stuff provides us. Everyone has to decide for themselves, though. Your love for the enneagram is not a factor that decides whether or not we can be pals. Promise. Wanna know what helps me decide? Well, you’re on the right post. Ha!
I’m a six.
I’ve heard that people sometimes mistype based on tests. Some people take multiple tests and read about types multiple times before finally settling on their type.
Gosh, that was not the case for me. As soon as I began reading about sixes, I resonated with almost the entire description of the enneagram six. Here are three things I’ve learned about myself through the enneagram:
That dang committee
I have an inner committee. No, it’s not a psychological diagnosis. It’s not multiple personalities. (Like, it’s not that serious.) For me, it manifests itself in two big ways.
First, I have a million ideas, courtesy of the plethora of people who make up my inner committee. These ideas range from really fantastic, idealistic, dreamy ideas to hilarious, silly ideas, to even terrible, seeds of ideas. I throw some away, but some stick with me forever.
This can be a good thing, as I’ve usually handled it, because I can come up with ideas for my classroom to help students succeed or improve my workflow. I can come up with ideas to help my family have a better, more efficient routine or to help my kids learn an expectation, skill, or concept. Ideas are generally not few over here. I have plenty to spare.
On the flip side, I often struggle to discern between all these good ideas and God’s idea. God’s calling. God’s will. And I’m paralized by that since I can’t pick just one idea or go just one direction.
Since I’ve learned this about me, I’ve been working on refocusing on Christ and growing in Christ. When I’m super healthy spiritually, God’s voice is the loudest and I quiet the other voices–the other ideas fade into the background. This struggle will probably be a thorn in my side for my entire life.
All I want is Security. Basically.
My core pursuit is for security. I’m looking to always be safe and secure.
Sometimes, it’s primarily a physical safety I’m looking for (ya’ know, after a student threatens to bring a “nine” to school and “take care of these teachers” and they just let the kid come back after 10 days out… that shakes my feeling of physical safety).
But many times, I’m looking for emotional security and safety. I search for this in my marriage, my friendships, and my relationship with Christ. I’m looking for The Hunk to create a safe place for me to share my frustrations, joys, struggles, and successes. I’m looking for friends with whom I can be vulnerable and still feel safe–like, they’ll encourage me, let me be messy, and keep my secrets safe. It is especially important that my friends don’t use my mess against me or hurt me after I’ve been vulnerable with them.
This primary desire will often keep me from having friendships or relationships with others because I’m not certain I can find any security in them. And when I am spiritually healthy, I remember that my ultimate security is in Christ–that I’m safe in His arms and that, no matter what, my eternal life is with Him.
As I grow in Christ, I’m trying to serve others by reaching out in friendship to others. I’m trying to discern how to manage my friendships and what boundaries I need to have personally and between me and others. It’s hard, but I’m getting better.
I’m Courageous and Terrified
Since I can see so many possibilities, including the most awful ones, any time I do something with hopes of good outcomes, I’m literally terrified. Ter.Ri.Fied.
I didn’t know that others didn’t feel this way. I thought that was just how people always live. I’m guessing it’s not.
So, when I reach out to a friend to try to plan something fun or to schedule a Bible-reading time, I have a few possible results in mind. They could maybe be excited about my offer, but they’ll probably reject me violently. I tend to believe they’ll reject me. I have literally been shaking from legs to arms while sitting in my office chair, trying to get the courage up to send an email offering a few friends the opportunity to join a sort of small group. I’m not exaggerating, either. I wanted to vomit.
Spoiler alert: all three of them accepted my offer and it’s been a sweet experience to meet with them bi-weekly and share and love one another.
Maybe you’ve heard the old adage that courage isn’t the absence of fear, but it’s actually doing the thing that is scary or potentially painful. As I’ve prayerfully pushed through the prayer, God is showing me His grace and giving me opportunities to serve Him.
The Struggle and the Victory
I, like everyone else, am still on a journey to grow and leverage my self-knowledge to better serve Christ. But this knowledge has helped me take major steps as I’ve hit seasons of life where I’ve let doubt grow, my insecurity has taken steroids, and the world gets louder and louder. I’m not perfected yet and the progress isn’t a straight line, but I’m so thankful I’ve learned about myself so I can use the enneagram tool to grow in Christ.
Because that’s the end goal: to love and glorify Christ.