by Rebecca | Feb 21, 2022 | Bible Verses, Christian Life
Middle school is kind of the worst, right? I don’t know what your middle school experience was like, but mine left me labeled a goodie-two-shoes and I didn’t understand why being a person who generally tried to be a good person was a bad thing.
In high school, I eventually found a group of people who I had good, clean fun with but the label never left me. I found lots of people like me in my Christian college, but there were still people who kept their distance just because I generally tried to follow Christ.
I don’t know if you’ve ever attended a Christian college or what your experience was, but I made good friends there. My sorority house roomie was like me: choosing a clean lifestyle. But some of my friends were still not quite seeking Christ as central in their lives. I watched their lives and mostly just stored my observations in the back of my mind as I, too, was trying to figure out a lot of things in my life.
I was still a goodie-two-shoes. I learned much later (like within the last couple of years) that some of my challenging relationships were difficult, in part, because my friends were trying to get away from what I was representing to them. To be transparent, I don’t pretend to assume I was perfect, but I did represent that good life they were trying to avoid. At least one has indicated this to be the case.
And then…
Thanks to the wonders of social media, I’ve had the opportunity to see friends from middle school, high school, and college continue to grow up. Some of them have completely turned their lives around and are seeking Christ as central to their lives as they begin families or go through other struggles in adult life.
I. Am. Thrilled.
They don’t know how often I cry tears of joy that they have learned why Jesus was so important to me when we were doing life together. I mean it. I cried when one friend from high school was baptized a few years ago. Another friend recently reached out to me about her desire to raise her daughters in a place that encourages women to follow Christ in deep relationship instead of catty girl environments. I rejoiced when a college friend responded and apologized to me recently as I reached out to her to talk our relationship from back then.
I cry now when I think about these sweet women and I pray they will continue to seek Christ as central to their lives.
Honestly:
It’s really what I want for all of us. I want to do it better. I want them to do it better. I want to help others do it better.
I’m not claiming to be an old lady, here, but Titus 2.3-5 says that older women are to teach younger women to lead holy lives so that the word of God isn’t reviled. I’ve been [imperfectly] seeking Christ in all areas of my life for over 25 years. He’s everything to me. He’s good and truth and holy and firm and loving. He’s gentle but He teaches me hard lessons when I refuse to learn them the easy way. And I learn to keep loving His truth.
If you feel like you wasted high school, college, or young adulthood by not seeking Christ, sister, it’s not too late. He’s waiting for you to decide He’s worth being first in your life.
by Rebecca | Dec 13, 2021 | Christian Life
The other morning, I was pulling out of my garage, backing up into the road, and pushed a simple button to close the garage door. I was imagining how people felt back in the day when garage door openers were invented. For them, suddenly it was simpler to get the garage door open. No more opening the car door, getting out, closing the garage door with the whole weight of your own body, walking back to the car, getting in, and closing the door.
Simply pushed a button.
I do it about every day. While I feel honored and blessed to have a garage, the act of pushing the button is not exactly something I consider delightful every day–especially when the button is being difficult.
One of my main goals in life is simplicity. I like to be efficient and allow myself to spend time rather than waste it. Don’t get me wrong, I love lots of things and keep myself busy. But simplicity is something I aim for. During the Christmas season, I say, “Alexa, turn on the trees,” and my Christmas trees turn on. I do a little work at the beginning of every year to make my work year go more smoothly and I make my own freezer meals for lunches once every 6 to 8 weeks so I don’t have to think hard about lunch on a daily basis. I’m a big fan of working in spurts.
My phone houses our family calendar and I use it to socialize with friends far away; I order clothes and toys and groceries so that I don’t have to spend loads of time shopping in stores.
I’m on a never-ending quest to simplify my life without making myself bored.
Easy is Unattainable
But here’s the thing: No matter how simple we make our lives–no matter how much technology helps me to simplify tasks and things that I love to do, life will never be easy.
Aren’t we all trying to make life easy? Aside from a those people who are gluttons for punishment, I think one thing we Americans try to do is to find the easy life.
How can I make enough money that it won’t be so hard to make ends meet?
Does anyone have any easy meals I can make with almost no prep on weeknights when everything is crazypants?
When will this sports season be over so my kids are just home at night instead of going a million places?
How much longer will this pain make it almost impossible for me to get through my day without losing it?
When will my boss see that I’m working hard and give me that promotion to that well-paid, easier level of work?
When will my toddler get through this terrible stage of fits so we can just enjoy our easy lives together?
And endlessly more
I’d venture to say that just about all of us are asking these types of questions and so many more. We could add loads of questions to this list that show we’re looking for things to be easy–or at least less difficult.
The longer I live, the more I realize that life is not going to just get easy. Not all of it, anyway. Our society becomes more and more complex by the minute. And the more aware we become of everything, the bigger the hard becomes.
Current events present challenging problems that Alexa can’t solve. Raising children is a process so complex that we’d welcome voice control. I wish we could push a button that fixes all our relationship problems.
But let’s remember the hope we have in Jesus.
Philippians 3.20-21 says, “But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself.”
We’re playing the long game here. No matter how difficult and complex our lives become here on earth, we can be sure that this isn’t the end game. This is the short game. We’re playing the long game.
In the mean time, we can have hope that the evil, the struggle, the stress that we have in this life will be gone. It will end. And in the mean time, we can rely on Jesus to be everything we depend on. He’s our provider, comforter, healer, lover of our souls, friend, protector, guide, strength, and more.
Live may get simple for some of us. Simple, not easy.
by Rebecca | Nov 29, 2021 | Christian Life
On my way home from work today, my husband texted me.
We had been talking about buying a TV on Black Friday or Cyber Monday but I hadn’t pulled the trigger on anything yet. He found one and ordered it. He wrote, “So, I think I can fit the TV in my car and pick it up tomorrow at 1pm. Or would you like me to see if you have a bigger trunk opening and schedule pickup for tomorrow at 6pm?”
I was driving; I genuinely try to avoid texting and driving. My car read me the text and I was chomping at the bit to reply. I’m, like, 99% good at leaving the phone out of my hand while driving. And since I don’t have voice-to-text features very handy on my car I waited. I kept waiting for a red light. I have plenty of traffic lights on the way home every day. And I bet you could guess what happened: I didn’t get one single red light for the major stretch of my way home.
Of course.
It took a while before I finally got to a red light so I could send back a one-liner: “Either way works for me.”
Red Lights and Analogies
I know it sounds crazy, but I firmly believe that God speaks to me in analogies. So, trust me when I say that this is honestly what happened in my head.
I started thinking about how, during some seasons in our lives, we have to wait for the red light in our day and sneak in a little God time.
And even that takes planning ahead, doesn’t it?
I don’t just stumble upon dedicated God time. I don’t just accidentally begin to read the Bible. I usually have to seek out time to speak intentionally with God and listen to His voice.
Surely that’s not just me. You, too?
I’ll be the first to admit that I miss out on God time too often. Like, way too often. In this season of life, morning Bible time just doesn’t happen. By bedtime, I’m zonked and my eyes droop as soon as I sit down. Sometime in the middle of the day is what I can do right now.
Over the last few months, I’ve been rocking out some Bible-reading time during my lunch time at work. It’s been sweet and delightful, even when I’m not super focused. This is one part of my day when there’s a red light–a stop to my day. I don’t work while I eat (usually) and I spend most lunch periods by myself. Red light.
And at least four out of five days a week, I have a couple of hours after work before the kids and husband come home. Sometimes I nap. Honestly, most times I decompress from the day. And sometimes I read the Bible, write, or pray. Red light.
Red Lights Instead of Excuses
We can come up with all sorts of reasons to avoid God time. We can claim we’re too busy or that we don’t have any space in our hectic lives to give to God.
Maybe you’ve been told that the only way you can spend time with God is by getting up early and spending exorbitant amounts of time studying the Bible and dropping to your knees in prayer. Or that you have to do it some specific way.
Listen, there’s no universal formula for connecting with the God of the universe. He can meet you at your lunch desk, your traffic light, your couch, grocery pick-up or even a drive-thru.
And during some seasons of life, that’s the only way we can make it happen.
That’s a beautiful thing about our Lord. He’s present everywhere and great in whatever dosage we have time for.
James 4.8 says, “Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.” It doesn’t say how often or how long. Just do it.
Anticipate that red light moment, friend, and take full advantage of it by reaching out to Jesus: switch to your app that reads the Bible to you, turn on praise and worship music, close your eyes and pray. Plan it now. Decide what your next red light moment will be so you’re ready when it hits.
And if you need help deciding, pray this with me, right now: Lord, prepare me for the next red light moment You’ll give me. Help me to be ready to receive from You and make it obvious to me that it’s time for us to connect. I miss connecting with You and want You more than any of this. Amen.
by Rebecca | Nov 8, 2021 | Christian Life
I’ve been thinking about the tree outside of my classroom lately. In October 2017 I started working in this particular classroom. It was the perfect time to see the tree in it’s fall glory. The leaves are thick and the tree is strong. It’s a great shade tree, keeping the morning sun from heating up our classroom too much. And we’re on the second floor, so we look right out at its crown. It holds nests and squirrels traverse its bark.
Every year, I just sort of took it for granted. It’s just a tree, after all, and I prefer to enjoy watching the occasional deer who would frolic across the ground, mother deer with their fawns. Beautiful. Pastoral. Delightful as I spend so much of my time away from the country.
But last spring, as we returned to the buildings at what we thought was the end of the pandemic, I noticed something I hadn’t noticed before. Blooms.
Distractions
I kinda assumed that maybe I hadn’t noticed because I had always had droves of students in my classroom, spring schedules chock full of mandated testing, and twiterpated teenagers. Maybe I had only noticed because the spring was, for once, a slow pace with fewer than half of my students required to attend each day due to the hybrid schedule.
But a colleague pointed out that it was the first time it had ever bloomed.
The first time.
Honestly, I was kind of relieved. I’m not known for stopping to smell the roses, but I usually don’t ignore them, either.
And I can’t stop thinking about it, even as I write this in the fall, dreaming of the spring so I can get back to my next summer break.
Tulip trees are late-bloomers. They literally take at least 15 years to start blooming. Sometimes 20.
Reminds me of the Christian life.
Tulip Trees and the Christian Life
There’s so much that goes into really cultivating a beautiful life for Christ, ya’ know?
Like, at the beginning of our walk with Christ, we’re not spiritually mature. We may think we are, but we’re still gaining strength–depth. There’s something beautiful and special about a new Christian. Like a newly planted tree, there’s so much potential and joy in seeing it.
But once we get through a couple decades of seeking Christ, of fighting with Christ against the world’s gusts, a new beauty emerges–a beauty that is extraordinary and unexpected. A beauty that we didn’t realize wasn’t there before. This beauty is a result of patience, love, service, determination, seeking God, and sacrifice. It’s a beauty borne of labor and selflessness.
Abloom
I suppose there are several ways someone could realize their metaphorical tree is abloom.
Maybe you are mentoring a believer, reading the Bible with them. Maybe you forgot that you didn’t always know something that this believer is learning. And you’re thankful for the struggle you went through so you could learn it.
Maybe you’re watching other, younger believers talk about the faith on social media and you kiiiiinda cringe because you remember when you weren’t as careful with your words or opinions. This was before you understood that believers aren’t called to stand up in self-righteousness. You have gratitude for growth and mercy.
Maybe you see your social media posts from years back and are embarrassed that you were so flagrantly unloving toward others instead of inviting them to come and see. You pray for more opportunities to speak with love, grace, mercy, and encouragement.
No, we’ll never “arrive” at a perfect life before God. That’s the whole point. But God provides the growth. First Corinthians 3.7 says that God provides the growth. And He certainly does this in a myriad of ways: through community, through failures, through successes, through prayer, through Bible-reading–through time. We are always being cultivated.
And, for that, I’m thankful.
by Rebecca | Nov 1, 2021 | Christian Life
I was searching for books for my baby girl. I needed to add some to her wishlist in preparation for her birthday. We love books. We have more books in our house than balls in the ball pit. More books than we really have room for. It’s getting out of hand. In a good way. But we will always want more because books are so valuable to us.
I hopped online, but in my Amazon search for “books for girls,” the results were pretty much one-note. They were all about how girls can do anything, how girls are just as good as boys.
But I was just looking for books about mermaids, unicorns, and other silly things. My boy reads about trucks, animals, and other silly things.
Raising a girl is a distinct and high honor. I don’t take it lightly.
And neither did my parents.
My Parents
But here’s the thing: Never in my life did my parents ever say to me, “You can do anything a boy can do.” I distinctly remember my dad saying to all three of us girls, “You can do anything you want to do.” That was the end of it. No comparison to boys. Just an assertion that we could do anything we ever wanted. And he fully believed what he was saying. And he made me believe it, too. Thankfully.
I think that’s why I never remember comparing myself to the abilities of boys. It was probably easy because I didn’t have brothers to compete with. But at any rate, my raisins taught me that I could do anything I wanted to do. I have my own strengths. My own passions. And I have always tried to follow them.
Gosh, I want the exact same for my daughter.
So, the search results for baby girl books startled me. And irritated me. I have no desire to encourage my girl by saying that she “can do anything a boy can do” or, worse, that she’s “better than the boys!”
The Word
I recall Galatians 3.28, which says, “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” In context, this verse is talking about how all of us are of equal value in Christ. Equal value! Neither is more valuable than the other.
And 1 Corinthians 12.4-6 says, “There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them… different kinds of service, but the same Lord… different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.” While we’ll encourage our little girl to do whatever she wants, we’ll do it with her strengths, passions, and desires in mind–not by encouraging her to go out there and beat all the boys at their jobs, but by encouraging her to do her very best.
So, there will be no, “You can be anything a man can be.”
There will all of this: “You want to go for that job? Do it!” “Want to take that major in college? Absolutely!” “You want to raise a load full of kids? Sounds fun! How can I help?” “You want to be your own boss and start your own business? That sounds awesome!” “I’m so proud of you, sweet girl!”
And what’s more important is that we will say these exact same things to our son. Well, except we’ll call him our “sweet boy.”
Because, to me, ambition, ability, success– none of it is flavored by gender.
by Rebecca | Oct 25, 2021 | Christian Life
Once we become Christian, we immediately have a new battle to fight in this world. It’s the battle of priority. Not that we didn’t battle priorities before. We did. But depending on how old we were before we came to Christ, we may have battled with prioritizing school appropriately, or our health, or our friendships, or our family, or any number of things. But once we realized our need for Christ, repented, and believed, we suddenly had something far more important to prioritize than grades or anything else for that matter.
Our immediate priority became allowing Christ to be glorified through us in our daily lives.
It’s a big deal, right? I mean, now that Christ is in us, we are part of His body and so we strive to let Him work through every element of our lives. When we let Him, He works through us as we learn, parent, work, relate, hustle, seek, and rest. And, while Jesus doesn’t have a row of boxes we have to check in order to be deserving of the salvation He’s already given us, there are some clear signs that we are not seeking Christ–not putting Jesus at the center of our lives. We become distracted Christians.
On this side of heaven, we will never arrive at perfection. As long as we have skin, we will never fully be perfect. But when we seek after God, pursue a deep relationship with Him, we store up treasures in heaven.
I’ve been thinking about some ways we can pinpoint whether or not we’re making a deeper relationship with Christ a priority. I don’t think I could make an exhaustive list, but here are some of the most obvious ways we can check our hearts in this arena:
1. Regular gatherings with other Christians not prioritized
We absolutely must be involved in Christian community! Community sharpens us, helps us heal, teaches us, supports us, and gives us opportunities to be Christ to others. Healthy communities are brimming with people who will encourage, challenge, and support one another. If we aren’t prioritizing weekly gatherings–or even multiple weekly gatherings–we’re not prioritizing the Body of Christ. We should not be skipping out on Christian community.
2. People would be surprised to learn that you’re a Christian
I want you to seriously join me in this part of today’s self-evaluation. Let’s be honest with ourselves. Do the people around us, including our coworkers and people in our virtual and real-life groups, know that we’re Christians? I mean, we don’t always have to lead with that fact. (I have awkwardly led with this before; it may have had something to do with the fact that it was 2020 and I hadn’t talked to people in person in months due to the pandemic and having a baby.)
But, when others find out that we’re Christians, will it surprise them? Will they have serious questions about our faith-based on how we treat others and what we prioritize in life? If so, there’s a problem that we need to fix. That’s not to say that we must always be perfect in front of everyone; but overall, if we’ve been believing in Jesus for much time at all, it should not surprise others when they find out we believe in Jesus.
3. Prayer is sparse
Oh, man. This is one of those areas of The Faith that has the potential to remind us every single day that we are not enough without Jesus. Why? Because we can literally never ever ever ever pray enough. Ever.
In fact, Paul encourages us to never ever stop praying. There is a plethora of Bible studies, blog posts, podcast episodes, and books about prayer. It’s complex, simple, beautiful. It’s messy. And it’s easy for some and difficult for others. And mostly, we can never ever spend enough time in intentional prayer because we can always talk more to Jesus and listen more to the spirit.
We will never arrive at perfection in this area of following Jesus. But, overall, when we forget to pray, we’re forgetting to spend time with the One who we claim we believe gave his perfect life to save us from eternal punishment. Gosh. And I don’t know one person, including myself, who has attained perfection in this area, even for a season.
But if we aren’t praying ever or are rarely praying and spending time quietly with God, we’re distracted. Maybe even distracted by something good. Maybe family life is interrupting our time to pray or our pursuit of a college degree is absorbing so much of our thought energy that we don’t have any left to talk to God. When this happens, we have to be intentional about reorganizing our lives and refocus on Christ and spend time with Him. We can even couple it with reading the Bible.
4. Bible-reading isn’t a regular goal
What if I started this section with “Oh, man,” again? Because this one can totally take a back-burner to anything and everything in our lives.
I have met people who are great about reading the Bible every.single.day. I’m not one of them. At least not in the season when I’m writing this. I’ve had seasons of rocking the Bible-reading. I had seasons of college when I found refuge in The Word. And as a single woman, I was regularly digging into the word in Bible studies with my church ladies. But when I didn’t have Bible studies, I lost the habit after a bit.
Bible-reading is kin to prayer. They’re like peanut butter and jelly for people not allergic to peanuts. They’re the most dynamic duo. And, when we are reading the Bible, we get the amazing opportunity to see who Jesus is. We get to learn about His character.
And if we’re not aiming to make Bible-reading part of our regular, daily lives, something needs to change.
5. Nothing we consume is Christian
I was raised solely on Christian music. We watched a ton of Christian television and we kept our non-Christian consumption very clean. When I was a very young adult, I even chose to watch movies that are G or PG, not PG-13 or higher. (PS: That was a choice I made for that season of my life; it was good for me and I don’t regret it one bit.) I aim to flood my kids’ lives with as much Jesus content as possible.
However, let’s not take this to a legalistic end. We don’t have to ignore all mainstream consumables. We don’t have to cut out all of T-Swift if Jesus hasn’t convicted us to do so. We can totally rock some Adelle when we’re feeling it. Reading non-Christian fiction can be completely okay.
But. But-but-but.
The more we consume Gospel-centric books, music, and podcasts, the more Christ-minded we are. When the Gospel is in what we’re consuming, it becomes more of a part of us. We are distracted from Christ when we spend less time consuming Him.
So, switch over to Christian playlists on Spotify. Pick up a non-fiction book by a Christ-centric author to learn more about the Bible or prayer or Christ. Watch The Chosen or other good, clean shows. (But, seriously, watch it. It’s so good.) When we consume media, it really is like we’re eating for the sake of our soul. When we take in good, wholesome music and books and podcasts, we really really really can refocus on Christ in more areas of our lives, which is, for Christians, the goal.
Refocus
It can be super easy to slowly allow our attention to drift away from Christ. The enemy knows how to assist us in being distracted, too. So, we have to fight. We have to fight against the things that distract us from Christ. Let’s be Christians focused on Christ in all areas of our lives.
by Rebecca | Oct 18, 2021 | Christian Life
I was standing in line to get a delicious pastry. Okay, just kidding, I was going to get a massive Rice Krispy Treat. Like, the size of my head. Gosh, I love those things. Anyway, I was in line with someone I love dearly on a Sunday morning. I was drooling and trying to decide if I’d add a hot chocolate to my order or not.
“Those shoes are ugly.” It just came out of the mouth. The other person was gesturing toward my shoes. Like, the ones on my own feet.
I mean, I wouldn’t have been wearing them if I hated them. Honestly, I take such good care of my shoes that I almost never throw them away. I just discovered, by the way, that my fuschia Nikes are at least eleven or twelve years old. Anyway, these were not my fuschia shoes.
The rest of the conversation didn’t go well, but this is just one example of a person who claims to be “honest.”
Was the person being honest? Yes.
Was the person being brutal? Absolutely.
So, let’s talk about brutal honesty.
A subset of our culture will tell you that they are just being honest when they say things like my friend did. They’ll say that they’re just honest and that others can’t handle their honesty so that’s not their problem.
I’ve heard it in person. I’ve seen strangers, acquaintances, and people I know and love proclaim this as a positive virtue on social media.
To be clear, honesty is absolutely a positive virtue. I appreciate honesty and abhor being lied to.
But this honesty is not coupled with a spoonful of sugar. This honesty is brutal honesty. Unwelcome honesty. Honesty coupled with cruelty.
Brutal, unwelcome honesty.
Do you love it when people are brutally honest when you didn’t ask for their honesty? I don’t. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in this. Call me a wimp, but I absolutely do not like brutal honesty.
And the good news is that there’s another way to be honest without being brutal–without being cruel.
The Secret
Here’s the secret: couple your honesty with kindness.
And I truly hate when people give a solution but it’s not practically applied. So, for your convenience, I have a list of rules for taking the brutal out of your honesty. There are plenty more than this, but start here and practice.
Make sure it’s welcome and/or appropriate
If the recipient is a stranger. Just hold that tongue. If the recipient is in a public space–online or in real life–just grip that tongue, literally if necessary. There is literally no reason to dole out the truth to someone who you don’t know or someone who is in a public space so they can be embarrassed. Zero. Just don’t. It’s brutal and unhelpful. If there’s a real relationship, have a sidebar with the person completely out of the public eye and only if the person has invited you into that element of their life.
Use “I” Statements
An I-statement is my most powerful weapon. I-statements have definitely helped my marriage and improved my relationships with students and colleagues. Here’s how they work: They start with the word “I” and avoid using the word “you” if at all possible. It takes practice. Instead of “You are rude,” for instance, a person could say, “I don’t think I can effectively react to what I just heard.” Is it true? Yes. If I want to honor God, I could make a neutral reaction to a rude person. Not only is this humble, it also avoids attacking the other person. It’s magical in that it really diffuses the situation.
Avoid harsh words
Oy, this one is a toughie for some people. Words that are charged can come out without warning. But this comes down to being careful with how we treat others. “You suck at washing dishes” or “You’re not good at washing dishes” will hit differently than “These dishes are still dirty” or “These dishes need another round of washing.” Truth is still shared, but it doesn’t come with harsh wording or attacks. It doesn’t need to be brutal to be true.
Just don’t.
Like, don’t. Just shut the mouth and keep your thoughts to yourself. Not all truth can be shared effectively or carefully or successfully. Sometimes, truth is just observed. So, shut it. Ha!
And, friend, don’t freak out; for some of us, these skills are going to come more naturally. Join me in this activity: Lean into Christ and ask Him if you have been brutally honest toward someone. Genuinely listen and look for His answer. If you learn that you’ve been brutally honest or are in denial about how brutal your honesty is, He will absolutely help you get out of that muck. One hundred percent. Our brutal honesty can be transformed into loving, beautiful, gentle, careful honesty. And the beauty of gentle and loving honesty is that it is received more readily than brutal honesty.
Let’s make honesty’s best friend kindness.
by Rebecca | Oct 11, 2021 | Christian Life
Am I the only one to hear a phrase that’s wildly popular and wonder why, exactly, it doesn’t sit right within me? Like, everyone is saying it–influencers, online influencers, maybe even friends.
I try to just sit with that feeling and let it stay the way it is for a little while. In my case, that feeling is usually the Spirit’s nudge, saying “Pay attention!” or “Something’s not right.” I sort of kick the tires, peek through the windows, and take a step back to take it all in before I jump into the driver’s seat.
Once I’ve had some time with it, the irritation just sneaks up on me during downtime. It pops up as I’m scrolling through the ‘gram or watching a video and out of nowhere, I have to figure out why it bothers me.
And this has happened to me again and again. Recently, the “empowerment” phrase has been growing a pearl within me.
Definition
Here’s how I understand “empowerment” as our culture uses it: One might be empowered by doing something formerly thought to be impossible or difficult. Activities that empower a person range greatly from exercise, starting a business, achieving a financial goal, or having some sort of sex. Nearly anything can be empowering if the person doing the act finds their specific satisfaction in completing the act, it seems. In the end, someone who is empowered has become bigger in their own eyes, more powerful from their own perspective, or more valuable in some way. At least, this is how I’ve understood it since I’ve noticed the word being used.
Empowerment, as our culture uses it, just doesn’t sit right with me. I have so many questions about it. Doesn’t this seem like a works-based pursuit of self-value? And, like, what do I have to do to feel valuable enough? What is the end goal, satisfaction-wise? How long will this empowered feeling last? Where is the freaking finish line of empowerment?
This idea of empowerment in our culture reminds me of Ecclesiastes. Ya’ know, the book–the whole book. In Ecclesiastes, we learn from someone else’s mistakes. The writer of the book, himself, has learned that pursuing these things is just empty. Some translations call it “vanity.” And vanity is emptiness, pointlessness.
The enemy is feeding us the lie that we can prove our own value through our actions.
A lie.
As usual, Jesus has made it so much simpler. I’m sorry-not-sorry for being so basic here, but it really is so much simpler than trying to prove our worth. Jesus calls us worthy and so we are worthy. He left heaven, came to earth, lived a sinless life, allowed Himself to be crucified and killed to pay for our worthlessness, and then defeated death by rising again before returning to heaven.
It really is that simple. We don’t need to prove we’re valuable. When we simply believe in Jesus, we’re automatically made more valuable than rubies and diamonds and pearls–more valuable than anything we could work for or earn. When we search for our value in our actions, we will always end up unsatisfied and powerless.
by Rebecca | Oct 4, 2021 | Christian Life
I’ve been marinating on the enneagram a lot over the last couple of years. I’ve always been completely obsessed with personality tests. It’s literally the reason I read magazines targeted at teen girls when I was young. (Side note: Consequently, I became totally obsessed with reading about kissing, making out, and all the other things in teen girl magazines.) I loved the silly personality tests the most. Like, I’m a summer, apparently. And I’m a grilled cheese sandwich. And what does all that mean? Wow! Fascinating.
Yes, personality tests have always been my jam.
I’ve taken the Myers-Briggs Personality Test several times. I’m typically an ENFP, but honestly test borderline introvert and have been getting closer to J instead of P lately.
And, of course, when the enneagram came into my life, I jumped right in. I saw friends posting about it on social media and went to Your Enneagram Coach to find out my type. Beth, who runs the page, is great. You’ll find so. much. info. on her Instagram. She puts everything in perspective of how we can grow in Christ as a result of being aware of our strengths and struggles.
As a side note, some talk with concern about the origins of the enneagram. Some are worried that the origins make it untrustworthy or evil. I have explored this and read about it some and I do believe the benefits, if used in conjunction with trying to grow in Christ, outweigh any concerns. I believe that, if we use it as a tool, we can benefit greatly from the information the enneagram stuff provides us. Everyone has to decide for themselves, though. Your love for the enneagram is not a factor that decides whether or not we can be pals. Promise. Wanna know what helps me decide? Well, you’re on the right post. Ha!
I’m a six.
I’ve heard that people sometimes mistype based on tests. Some people take multiple tests and read about types multiple times before finally settling on their type.
Gosh, that was not the case for me. As soon as I began reading about sixes, I resonated with almost the entire description of the enneagram six. Here are three things I’ve learned about myself through the enneagram:
That dang committee
I have an inner committee. No, it’s not a psychological diagnosis. It’s not multiple personalities. (Like, it’s not that serious.) For me, it manifests itself in two big ways.
First, I have a million ideas, courtesy of the plethora of people who make up my inner committee. These ideas range from really fantastic, idealistic, dreamy ideas to hilarious, silly ideas, to even terrible, seeds of ideas. I throw some away, but some stick with me forever.
This can be a good thing, as I’ve usually handled it, because I can come up with ideas for my classroom to help students succeed or improve my workflow. I can come up with ideas to help my family have a better, more efficient routine or to help my kids learn an expectation, skill, or concept. Ideas are generally not few over here. I have plenty to spare.
On the flip side, I often struggle to discern between all these good ideas and God’s idea. God’s calling. God’s will. And I’m paralized by that since I can’t pick just one idea or go just one direction.
Since I’ve learned this about me, I’ve been working on refocusing on Christ and growing in Christ. When I’m super healthy spiritually, God’s voice is the loudest and I quiet the other voices–the other ideas fade into the background. This struggle will probably be a thorn in my side for my entire life.
All I want is Security. Basically.
My core pursuit is for security. I’m looking to always be safe and secure.
Sometimes, it’s primarily a physical safety I’m looking for (ya’ know, after a student threatens to bring a “nine” to school and “take care of these teachers” and they just let the kid come back after 10 days out… that shakes my feeling of physical safety).
But many times, I’m looking for emotional security and safety. I search for this in my marriage, my friendships, and my relationship with Christ. I’m looking for The Hunk to create a safe place for me to share my frustrations, joys, struggles, and successes. I’m looking for friends with whom I can be vulnerable and still feel safe–like, they’ll encourage me, let me be messy, and keep my secrets safe. It is especially important that my friends don’t use my mess against me or hurt me after I’ve been vulnerable with them.
This primary desire will often keep me from having friendships or relationships with others because I’m not certain I can find any security in them. And when I am spiritually healthy, I remember that my ultimate security is in Christ–that I’m safe in His arms and that, no matter what, my eternal life is with Him.
As I grow in Christ, I’m trying to serve others by reaching out in friendship to others. I’m trying to discern how to manage my friendships and what boundaries I need to have personally and between me and others. It’s hard, but I’m getting better.
I’m Courageous and Terrified
Since I can see so many possibilities, including the most awful ones, any time I do something with hopes of good outcomes, I’m literally terrified. Ter.Ri.Fied.
I didn’t know that others didn’t feel this way. I thought that was just how people always live. I’m guessing it’s not.
So, when I reach out to a friend to try to plan something fun or to schedule a Bible-reading time, I have a few possible results in mind. They could maybe be excited about my offer, but they’ll probably reject me violently. I tend to believe they’ll reject me. I have literally been shaking from legs to arms while sitting in my office chair, trying to get the courage up to send an email offering a few friends the opportunity to join a sort of small group. I’m not exaggerating, either. I wanted to vomit.
Spoiler alert: all three of them accepted my offer and it’s been a sweet experience to meet with them bi-weekly and share and love one another.
Maybe you’ve heard the old adage that courage isn’t the absence of fear, but it’s actually doing the thing that is scary or potentially painful. As I’ve prayerfully pushed through the prayer, God is showing me His grace and giving me opportunities to serve Him.
The Struggle and the Victory
I, like everyone else, am still on a journey to grow and leverage my self-knowledge to better serve Christ. But this knowledge has helped me take major steps as I’ve hit seasons of life where I’ve let doubt grow, my insecurity has taken steroids, and the world gets louder and louder. I’m not perfected yet and the progress isn’t a straight line, but I’m so thankful I’ve learned about myself so I can use the enneagram tool to grow in Christ.
Because that’s the end goal: to love and glorify Christ.
by Rebecca | Sep 27, 2021 | Christian Life
“I always admired you because you were real, not fake like everyone else.”
Just within the last year or two, BranFlakes (that’s my nickname for my high school BFF) said this to me. Literally, I was sitting in my living room, reading her message, straight up in the middle of my 30s, and I suddenly realized what she was actually saying. I felt pretty stupid. But it’s on-brand for my naivete.
I mean, I always knew that people wear a facade. People can be fake. But I don’t think I realized the level to which inauthentic people existed. I married a man who is the same person at home as he is everywhere else. My parents were the same at home as everywhere else. I can say with absolute certainty that I did not realize that almost everyone in high school was basically faking it.
I want to blame all of this on social media. But, y’all, this was before we even had social media. I literally graduated high school the year before MySpace became a thing. And a few years before Facebook.
Nothing New
Unfortunately, inauthentic people have pretty much always existed.
Have you heard of Judas? He was literally a disciple whom Jesus called to follow Him. He watched Jesus perform miracles, listened to Jesus’ teachings, and dined with Jesus. He labored with Jesus. It seems like someone who was that invested in Jesus’ life would have been an authentic friend. But, he wasn’t. And Jesus knew it. (Heads up: Jesus knows everything.) In the end, Judas betrayed Jesus for about $200, showing his true colors.
Judas was the epitome–a prime example–of a fake friend. He wasn’t an authentic follower of Christ. He was faking it all along.
Am I the only one absolutely revolted by this?
I doubt it.
But I know my typical revulsion toward inauthenticity. And so many of us follow the world’s template for inauthenticity; inauthenticity is everywhere. If we scroll through Instagram, we’re bound to see filtered images of other women who’ve literally changed the length of their torsos, the width of their thighs, and the shape of their upper arms. They’ve augmented their eyes with filters and cleared off every last pimple from their faces. It’s almost impossible to feel worthwhile when everything shining through our phones is curated to the world’s standard of perfection. And it’s so easy to download apps to join in on the crowd, to use artificial intelligence to add to or take away from images before we post them to the world.
What’s worse is that the inauthenticity doesn’t stop there. We bring it into our real-world interactions, go farther than just presenting our best selves, and present a fake self. Maybe we do it because we’re afraid we’ll be rejected. Maybe we do it because we don’t like who we really are. Maybe we are inauthentic because we honestly don’t have a clue who we are.
The Truth
Ladies, when we’re being inauthentic, we’re sinning against God.
And how can we bring others to a truly forgiving, loving, just, and authentic God if we aren’t living an authentic life?
Sometimes, I hate the truth. But there it is. (How do I know? He tells us in His word. More than once.)
With all the love in my heart, I challenge you to join me in self-evaluation of our authenticity in these areas:
- Money. Are we married women being honest with our husbands about the money we spend? Are we all making sure that we’re honoring our boss by working when we’re on the clock?
- Relationships. Are we bringing our best selves to our close relationships without bringing our false selves? Are we being friends with character, who keep promises, hold trusted secrets, and reciprocate love that’s received? Are we being honest with everyone, from acquaintances to closest friends?
- Online. Are we presenting a balanced view of our lives online? Are we being sure to avoid over-filtering our images or lives so as to appear dishonest to our fellow humans? Are we being truthful in all aspects of our communication?
- Ourselves. Are we being honest with ourselves about our struggles, successes, weaknesses, and strengths? Are we filling ourselves with Truth so that it will flow out from our mouths to others and through our fingers online?
In these categories, we’re probably not one hundred percent authentic or inauthentic. We’re more likely to find ourselves somewhere on a spectrum–somewhere between the extreme ends. Pray about this and seek Christ as you work through these sneaky-fake ways of living.
Let us press forward and allow God to work on us so that we may be more conformed to His authentic image.
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